Monday, May 5, 2014

Baptism Blues

  Yesterday was a hard day for me.  I baptized my oldest daughter.  If you read my other blog entries you know why I had to do it.  I want to be a part of their lives and so I have to stick it out.

  She looked so happy and I could tell that it meant a lot to her but I just felt so sad inside like I was deceiving her.  It was important to me to be able to be the one to baptize her so that we would have that special bond.  My dad left the church when I was 7 and so he didn't baptize me like he did my older sister.  Being a child I did not understand and since the church makes such a huge deal out of baptism I was so jealous of her.  It wasn't fair that I was kept from that experience with my dad.  Well I don't want my girls to experience the same thing and so I will keep at it until my youngest is baptized.

  Perhaps someday when they are older and the truth comes out they will realize that I did what I had to do to keep us together because I love them.  Maybe that will help them to find the truth as well.  That is actually the topic I focused on in the confirmation was that she would "seek out truth wherever it may be".  I want her to find the truth out there and not settle for the information that is being spoon fed to her in the church.

  I was so happy to have the support of a good friend who was able to participate in the program who understands my position.  In fact it was through that support that another family member was identified as being in the same circumstance as myself.  I am very happy to have another person that I can talk with about this.  I was so shocked when my support friend identified this other person to me, I said "seriously? But I've seen him at church!"  She said, "well you go to church too."  I had to laugh about that because I'm sure that the reaction will be similar on his side.  I will be speaking to him soon.  So cool.

5 comments:

  1. If you wouldn't mind me asking what are your other blogs?

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  2. Recently, I attended my daughters wedding, well, actually I waited outside while my daughter was getting married in the temple, the same temple I got married in many years ago, SLC Temple. It didn't bother me, I was just happy to see my daughter so happy, it was a great day!!

    As a side note, my fiance prepared two water bottles for us to sip while waiting, one for her and one for me. Hers, Lemon drop (lemon juice and vodka), and mine fire cider (hard cider with some cinnamon whiskey). We were careful not to over do it, but it was nice to take a sip every now and then and have a smile between us. She's quite the rebel and a never-mo.

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  3. Now you have the support of your younger brother as well! I am glad that you know that you can talk with me about what you are going through.

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  4. @Insomniatic Sunrise, sorry, I should have written that as My other blog entries.

    @Brad, thanks for sharing your story. Sorry I have been away for so long. I've had a lot going on.

    @Younger Brother, thanks, it's always nice to expand the support group. I have found a number of people that I am able to speak to now. It has taken time but the key thing for everyone is to just be patient.

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  5. Hi there, I am wondering whatever happened with this friend of yours. You'd be surprised how many people there are even in Utah who are ex-Mormons and unbelievers.

    I changed my facebook religious status to atheist a while ago and a cousin of mine that I would have never expected contact me saying that he was also an atheist. We have been able to have some good discussions and he supported me while I went through the name-removal process.

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